Life

It's been awhile. Since I can't blog about the thing I really want to blog about, I haven't had much motivation to write.

My grandmother passed away a week and a half ago. She is in a much better place, free of the pain she felt in the last days of her life. She will be greatly missed. I hadn't seen her in awhile and for that I feel bad. Living so far away from family, from relatives, you don't get to see the people you should see on a regular basis. And even worse, I couldn't be there for my mom. I wanted more than anything to be there for her and I just couldn't. I feel like the worst daughter in the world for choosing to live 1,500 miles away from her. And during one of the most heartbreaking trials in her life, I couldn't even be there.

So here I am. Stuck in Texas. If you had asked me five years ago I would have listed this as the place I least expected to end up in the world. Growing up in California, Texas is an easy target for jokes, to make fun of. And yet somehow, here I am. Being bitter simply because I miss my family.

The kids are doing well. Calli gets her new, smaller cast this Wednesday and then two weeks later will get it off. She will be starting soccer after that and resuming her dance class as well. I have lots of things I want to do in the coming weekends also. Halloween is getting closer and the girls have such cute costumes I want to get as much use out of them as possible. So we'll go to the pumpkin patch, the Halloween celebration at Sea World and the Botanical Gardens, pictures at Sears, and other things I'm sure I've forgotten about.

Serena has mastered her army crawl and is everywhere. She gets up on her knees a bit too and I would imagine she'll be doing the regular crawl within the next week. It seems like she was just born and unreal that she is turning half a year old on Saturday. Where does the time go?

Calli drives us crazy with her board game obsession. A part of me wishes we would never have bought them in the first place. But no, I thought it would be a great idea to get her into games. I kind of forgot I would be the one playing with her twenty times a day. Candyland and The Ladybug Game are her favorite. I enjoy Candyland, it's easy and quick. And The Ladybug Game has helped her recognize some of her numbers and work on her counting skills. So they have been educational even!

That's about it from us. For now at least...

Serena's favorite toy - the Taggie

Calli was so excited that we finally let her feed Serena. She calls it "grass food".

Me and the kids

Calli is a Candyland fanatic!

Serena loves to crawl under things now!

Serena and Lizzie both enjoying her toy

Sweet smiles

Serena also loves to play with the door stop

Calli is a budding photographer

Toys and Clothes and Ladybugs, Oh My!

This week has been kind of uneventful, hence no postings from me the last few days.

We had a fun weekend. Our old neighbors and friends invited us to an event at their church on Saturday night. We had fun eating pizza and playing boardgames and just catching up with our friends.

On Sunday we took a special trip to Toys R Us. We decided since Calli had been using the toilet for a whole week with NO accidents she should have a special treat. So she got to pick out a toy: a baby doll and stroller. She loves pushing the stroller around and even got to push her sister who is (surprisingly enough) small enough to fit in there. Serena didn't want to be left out so she also got a new toy: a little piano toy she likes to bang on. She has really mastered her army crawl in the last few days and gets around pretty fast when she wants something. I think she looks like a little worm the way she scoots and inches around. She also likes to get up on her knees and even push up on her feet, but for now she seems satified with her method of crawling.

Calli saw the dentist yesterday for the second time. It was weird remembering that the first time she had gone, Serena was in my stomach. And now here we were at the office with Calli and a five month old baby. I get those feelings a lot. I think about how I just can't believe at this time last year we didn't have Serena. Anyway, Calli did very well at the dentist and her teeth sparkle. Her favorite part was the end when she got the little goody bag that contained a butterfly tattoo. She insisted on having it put on the second we got home.

Serena's ladybug costume came yesterday in the mail and it is the cutest thing. I couldn't resist trying it on her (to make sure it fit of course!) and taking a picture. I'm disappointed Calli can't wear hers yet because it won't fit over her cast, but when she gets it taken off I'm going to get their pictures taken. They just look too cute not to! Serena's costume fits perfectly so hopefully she doesn't grow too much in the next month.

Speaking of which, I have gone through Calli's old 6-9 month clothes and put them in Serena's drawers. Unfortunately I didn't plan this pregnancy very well, as the clothes don't match up with the season. Calli's 6-9 month clothes are mostly winter things. Plus she was a smaller baby so I can already tell that unless Serena stops growing she probably won't fit in much of her stuff. So we did a bit of shopping today at Babies R Us and got her a few onsies and pants to hold us over the next few months. I figure we've got another two months of warm/hot temperatures so I am not even going to break out the winter things yet. I also found the best toys for Serena. She is really into tags on her toys. Most of the time if there is a tag on her toy, she ignores the actual toy and starts eating the tags. Luckily there was a line of toys created just for babies like her called Taggies. I had looked at Target, but they didn't have any and luckily Babies R Us had a few things. So we got a couple new Taggie toys for her to chew all the tags on. She ate one the entire car ride home so I think they are a hit.

Well, that is pretty much it from our little corner of the world. Here are some pictures:

My new favorite picture of the girls

Calli pushing Serena in the doll stroller
Serena and her piano

My beautiful Calli girl

Miss Ladybug

To My Child

I came across this poem and just wanted to share:

To My Child

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won’t stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children’s graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can’t handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you.

Serena's army crawl

Updates

Calli

She is doing really well with her cast. She has had it on for eight days now. She has adapted to using her left hand for eating, writing and coloring. She can still dress herself, put on her shoes, seat herself in a chair. I am hard pressed to find anything she can't do with one arm that she could with two. She has even surprised me by deciding to potty train. I thought when her arm broke all the work we were doing was just going to go right out the window and we'd have to just wait until her cast came off. But Calli had other plans. She loves wearing her big girl underwear and virtually trained herself in just a day. She just woke up and decided she wanted to start going #2 in the toilet and has been doing just that. That was always the struggle with her. We have had only one minor accident in the last three and a half days and I am really proud of her and relieved that it's finally been so easy.

We haven't been able to get out and do too much with her arm, but we've seen a few friends this week and gone to the store. Calli loves to go to Target and get popcorn and an icee when we're done shopping. It is my bribe to her so she won't act up. On Fridays we've still been able to do storytime at the library so that is nice. She is having to miss her dance class for this period, but they are going to hold her spot for her so I am grateful for that. And she will be starting soccer still as well; she'll just join the team a few weeks late.

Calli has also been doing really well with learning her numbers and letters. She has been able to kind of write her name for awhile now. She gets the letters a little out of place (Cllia) but we are working on that. She can also recognize all those letters and a few others. She can recognize her numbers up to six. We've been working out of some workbooks with tracing her letters and numbers. She also loves to draw. The only thing she draws is pictures of our family, so I have about a million papers with four egg people. My favorite is when she draws a bunch of people in different marker colors and points them out as "Grandma" and "Grandpa" and "Aunties".

Serena

My little baby is growing up! She has started to sit up in small spurts, but doesn't have enough balance to really do it continuously. Just this morning she started doing the army crawl. So now she is mobile I guess. Scary. It is so cute to see because Calli never did the army crawl, just started the normal crawl at six months. So I am wondering now when she will start getting all the way up on her knees and hands and doing the real crawl. But I think she has accomplished a pretty big feat now and am very proud of her. I took a little video of it on the camera earlier as well.

Now we are just on tooth watch 2008. Nothing yet, but I am enjoying the one hundred percent gummy smile still. The teeth are cute, but there is nothing like these gummy smiles and giggles.

The Family

We are all doing great. We took a trip to the zoo on Sunday and had a blast. We had been couped up in the house on Saturday because with Calli's arm, there is not much to get out and do. I was worried going to the zoo when it was too hot out would make her sweat and itch. But we went in the morning when they first opened up and it wasn't too hot out yet. It turned out to be perfect timing because it wasn't super crowded yet and all the animals were out for the morning, having just woken up and enjoying the fact that it wasn't a hundred degrees yet. So we got to see everything. We also rode the train they have there just outside the zoo and Calli loved it. She really loves trains. Even Serena seemed to enjoy the bumpy ride.

We also got a new stroller. I saw it on sale at Target and couldn't pass it up. It has a regular stroller spot for Serena in the front and a bench in the back for your "big kid". The older one can either sit on the bench or stand on the platform beneath. It is a really great option for families with a two-three year old and an infant. Calli loves it the most. She loves going for walks now and riding in the stroller. I think she feels a bit more included being able to sit in it as well. I had wanted a double stroller, but the problem with those is the big kid usually wants in and out and it's such a hassle. With this stroller she can just hop on and off herself and it's not a big ordeal. I wish we had this thing a month ago, it would have come in handy on our trips to Sea World.

That's about it from our corner of the world. Here are some pictures:

Sisterly love

Sitting up
Calli being a goofball and Serena sitting up

Calli hanging out in our new stroller

Calli decked out in her "get well" gifts from Grandma and Grandpa Ratcliff: headband, necklace, band aid and workbook

Serena is five months!

So yesterday was Serena's five month birthday. With Calli commanding most of the attention these days, I feel like Serena gets left behind sometimes. But she is just as important as her big sister and I know I don't write about her nearly as often.

In some ways it feels like we've been a family of four forever. Just as I can hardly recall a time before Calli, it's starting to be the same with Serena. She is nearly half a year old now and it's gone by fast. I think the second child's baby days pass faster than the first. With Calli I just got to sit around and enjoy everything (or not enjoy, depending on the day and her mood!). With Serena, she gets caught up in everything else going on in Calli's life. So I barely blinked and she hit five months.

She has become a very smiley baby and laughs a lot now. Calli can always put a smile on her face and she makes it her mission to try often, telling me "I can make her laugh Mommy!" She has become very ticklish too, which is such a mystery to me. Just two or three months ago we would poke at the same places; under her neck, on her sides and not even get a smile. Now I guess her tickle senses have developed and she just giggles away. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of a baby's laughter.

We started solid foods with her around four months. I enjoy the four-six month period of time because I can just dabble in these foods for now. They are not necessary yet so I can just test the waters, see what she likes and doesn't like. And if I skip a day of feeding her solids, it's not a big deal at all. The six month point is when I tell myself I have to crack down. Calli was completely on table foods by her first birthday (before that even) and I want the same for Serena. So far she loves her baby foods. We have tried sweet potatoes, peas, and squash as well as the rice cereal (oatmeal with bananas is her fav). One night she even ate an entire jar of the peas, I would say those are her favorite veggie so far. I love seeing her face when we introduce something new. She scrunches it up and gives that look like "what are you putting in my mouth NOW!"

She rolls all over the place now. I put her in the living room and would hardly be surprised to walk away for a moment and come back to see her in the toy room. She also likes to turn herself around on her belly, usually to reach a toy behind her. I don't think she is ready for crawling yet, although she tries to push up on her knees sometimes. She is very strong though; she makes me laugh by trying to sit up when she is lying down. She will put her head up and bring her legs up, like she is trying to do a crunch. Usually this is done to get a glimpse of what Calli is doing or she is trying to see someone who walked into the room. She also loves to stand on her legs while we're holding her. Sometimes it's hard to get her to sit down because she locks her knees and wants to stand. She can sit up a bit by herself, for small spurts, especially if she has an entertainer. But I wouldn't leave her alone doing it just yet. Calli didn't sit completely unassisted until after she started crawling, so I am not too sure what to expect with this little one yet.

Her sleeping patterns are my favorite of all! She hasn't woken up at night at all in weeks. She goes to bed at 8pm and sleeps until at least 7am, although this morning she finally decided to roll out of bed at 8:45am. I don't know how I got so lucky, and if I could get Calli to sleep that late I would be in heaven! Serena also still takes about two good naps a day and usually one cat nap. She is usually not a problem to put down either and goes right to sleep.

Serena is just a good baby for the most part. She is pretty flexible and laid back, but I think a second child has to be that way. We drag her out to all Calli's activities. But with Calli's broken arm, we'll be hanging around the house more now so Serena will just be able to play and have fun. I am looking forward to all the things to come with her!

Happy Five Months Serena!

Broken

I'm aware it is quite the cliche thing to say, but I feel like the worst mom in the world. Even though I know I'm not. Even though when a friend is in this same situation, I do all I can to reassure them that they are not. Even though we all know kids are kids and things like this are going to happen. There are always certain thoughts you can't help having in certain situations, no matter who you are. And this is one.

Calli broke her arm on Tuesday. It marks the first time one of my children have been seriously hurt. And because of that, the experience was very terrifying. I know we'll have more accidents in the future, but I would like to think it may get a bit easier, that I'll be able to think a bit more clearly and know what to do quicker.

The morning was off. Something about that morning was just...off. Nothing was off. Everything was the same. Except I forgot my cell phone when I left the house and fretted about it on the drive a bit more than usual. I packed two bottles for Serena instead of the customary one when we are just going to be out for no more than two-three hours. I even had second thoughts about going, thinking maybe I should just go to Pump It Up, the place we normally go on Tuesday mornings. But I decided to take the kids to the mall; to a playplace they have there to meet another mom friend for the first time.

We have been here before. Calli loves running around and I love that she can get her energy out in a way that doesn't include taking every single toy out of her toy box. We were there no more than fifteen minutes when it happened. She decided to try and climb over this two foot wall. She does things like this all the time. My daughter is afraid of nothing. But this time, instead of climbing down the other side, she fell on her right arm. I saw it happen and heard that awful snapping sound. I ran to her and gathered her in my arms and I could tell something was just not right. She would not move her arm; it just hung limp at her side. She would not calm down either. Calli gets hurt often, she has even hit her mouth on the cement of the driveway. But still, she always pops back up after a bit of crying and is fine. This time was different. I could just tell it was different. So I loaded Serena up in the stroller and carried Calli in my arms to the car, having been told the nearest hospital was Wilford Hall, the one on Lackland AFB. I start to drive there as fast as I can and still feel safe. Calli meanwhile, is in the back crying the whole time. She is telling me she has a boo boo, a really bad boo boo. She is sucking on the fingers of her healthy arm, something she has never done before, something she is doing to soothe herself. She is hysterical. I am hysterical inside. She vacillates between crying in pain and sitting there lethargically. I don't know which I hate more.

When we finally reach the hospital, I hand the civilian gaurd my driver's license, telling him I think my daughter broke her arm and I need to get her to the ER. I am told very rudely that I cannot get on base without a pass from the Visitor's Center. I lose it and just start to cry and ask if there is any way I can just get my daughter to the hospital, that I thought this was a public hospital. He tells me there is nothing he can do. He doesn't know where the closest hospital is. He is not sorry for my situation. He is just rude. His partner has the audacity to point out that my registration stickers are expired, like I didn't know it. It is appalling to me that two people can a treat a mother, who is in obvious remorse and distress, so inhumanely. I just don't get it.

So I head back on the freeway and decide to go to Methodist Hospital, where Serena was born. I remembered that they have a Children's Hospital and think maybe this will be better anyway. It turned out that it was better. We park and Calli still does not want to walk, so I have to manuever the stroller and carry her through the hospital to the ER, asking for directions. The ER is a special one for children and because of that, I do not have to wait hours to be seen. There are not thirty other adults waiting as well. Just one other family.

I check Calli in and am finally able to call Richard. Of course he doesn't answer, so I leave him a message telling him we're at the hospital and I don't have my phone. As soon as I hang up the phone, they are ready to take Calli back. They order some wrist x-rays, which I know will be a chore to complete. Luckily they let me hold her on my lap, but she cries most of the way through them. When those come back negative, the doctor orders some more of her arm, which I wonder why they didn't just x-ray the whole arm in the first place. By this point though, Calli's spirits are lifting. I have reassured her over and over that the doctor will make her better, that she is being such a brave girl, that I love her so much. It is all I can do not to break down and cry, but I know I have to be strong. If Calli were to see me cry she would surely lose it herself. So I hold myself together. For her.

Slowly, she turns back into herself. Her sweet, funny, adorable self. I tell her they spelt her name wrong on her bracelet, a name she doesn't even go by: Callisa. They have left out an L. It is all she can think about from that point on, telling the doctor, much to her amusement, that they spelled her name wrong. The doctor is impressed that she can spell her name, impressed with how smart she is, telling us she has a three year old at home herself.

Just as we suspected, the arm x-ray comes back and there is a break. She broke it pretty good too. She got a splint put on with a sling until we could get in to see the orthopedic doctor for a cast. Luckily we were able to make that appointment for yesterday. So today Calli sports a bright pink cast and is back to her old self; she laughs, she kisses her sister, she plays with her toys, she whines. I never thought I would be happy to hear her whining, but somehow yesterday I had infinite patience.

I am so thankful that she is going to be okay. So thankful that something worse didn't happen to her. And yet, I can't stop with the "of courses". Of course she broke her right arm, which she uses for everything. Of course she broke it now, when soccer season is just around the corner and she was looking so forward to it. Of course she broke it when she has her beloved dance class going on. Of course she broke it at the end of summer, when we were finally enjoying our trips to Sea World on our season pass.

She has to have this cast on for four weeks. On October 1st we will get it changed to a shorter cast, which she'll wear for two weeks. And after that, she will healed. Bath times will be a challenge since she can't get the cast wet. And anyone who knows Calli knows how hard it will be to contain her inside all day, every day. If she gets sweaty she'll start to itch under her cast. So that means in this Texas humidity that we pretty much can't step out the door. No trips to the park, the bounce house, Chuck E Cheese, the pool.

Seeing your child in pain is one of the worst things to go through in the world. You are so helpless to do much, if anything. You just pray that maybe God will transfer her pain onto you, that she won't have to feel any of it. And since that won't happen, you just hope her pain will be short.
Here are some pictures of Calli in her sling from Tuesday and Wednesday and then in her cast last night:

Calli in her sling after getting home from the hospital

In her splint and sling the next morning before getting her cast
Calli in her new pink cast!